Detroit, MI – Last night, environmentalist and former vice-president Al Gore endorsed Senator Barack Obama as the “next President of the United States of America.” The endorsement comes at a crucial time in the election process – the time when both parties have already chosen their nominees.
“It is a time that Democrats need to be reminded to vote Democrat,” explained Gore. “I wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t going to endorse the Republican nominee McCain, but the Democratic nominee Obama,” said Gore, a Democrat. “Just so there wouldn’t be any confusion,” he added.
The time leading up to November’s 2008 Presidential Election is also a time in which Americans are in danger of forgetting the 2000 Presidential Election. Gore’s speech was designed to remind them, over and over and over again.
“Thank you, Michigan, for supporting me in 2000,” Gore’s speech began, as college students in a crowded Joe Louis Arena looked at each other quizzically. “2000?,” asked Jon Laidlaw, a sophomore at Michigan State University, pausing to remember back that far. “I remember I liked the Power Rangers and Count Chocula cereal…but I don’t remember any election, and I certainly don’t remember this fatso.”
“In looking way, way, back, I can tell you that we have already learned one important fact since the year that the presidency was stolen from me: take it from me, elections matter,” said Gore. “If you think Supreme Court appointments are important, if you live in New Orleans, if your anyone in your family is in the military, if you can’t pay your mortgage and fill up your car with gas, if you bought poisoned lead-filled toys or tainted pet food from China, if you have had anything crappy happen to you in the last 8 years, you know that elections matter,” the recent Nobel Pizza Prize recipient said to a cheering crowd. “Even our dogs and cats know that if I was elected President like I was supposed to, none of this bad stuff would have happened.”
After reminding the audience that he was against the war in Iraq from the beginning, Gore transitioned into his endorsement of Obama. “I remember that an eloquent legislator from Illinois named Barack Obama was just as rational, reasonable, and logical as I was, and joined me in opposition of that blunder,” said Gore. “Furthermore, Obama is willing to stop the entire North Polar icecap from melting before our eyes, just like I would do if I were President, so there’s another reason you should vote for me…er, him.”
“Yes we can!, We need Change,” concluded Gore, causing the audience to scream wildly. “Vote for Obama in 2008, just like you voted for me in 2000.”